Interview the Author Yourself!

Next Monday, I will be reviewing Vicki Tiede’s new book, When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography. I was honored to be a part of the blog tour for the kick off of this book. While there is thankfully more available for the men who are struggling with this sin, there hasn’t been much for the wives. The number of Christian women who silently suffer for their husband’s sin is staggering. And I have unfortunately seen wonderful women seek help and counsel from their church only to have the issue made light of. This is a terrible shame because both the husband and the wife need biblical counsel through such a serious sin.

Here is the marketing for the book:

After the Shock – Moving from Despair to Healing and Hope

When your husband’s addiction to pornography leaves you shattered, betrayed, and alone, where do you turn? Who do you turn to? Vicki Tiede, writing from personal experience, gently guides women toward God and away from despair. Through daily readings and questions on
six important topics: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness, you will grow in healing and hope. Allowing God to meet your greatest needs is a long and learned process, but he promises to help you every step of the way. Questions and daily readings are suitable for both individuals and small groups.

If your marriage has not been affected by this sin, I’m sure that you know plenty that have. That’s why I was excited to read this book. How can you help counsel someone who is suffering from sexual sin in their marriage? Particularly, what is the wife going through, and how can you help encourage her in the gospel?

Along with reviewing When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography next week, I will also be giving away two books, and interviewing the author. I want to make sure that I am asking questions that my readers may have, so what better way than getting you involved? You have two days to submit your questions for Vicki Tiede. Email them to mail@housewifetheologian.com and I will select five for the interview. Given the nature of the topic, I will not be sharing the names of those who submitted the questions I use.

I know I had a lot of questions when I read the title, so I’m sure my thinking readers do as well. Ask away!

The Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals is member supported and operates only by your faithful support. Thank you.

13 Comments

Lyndsay, these are great

Lyndsay, these are great questions for the author. I am not familiar with XXXChurch, but I will include this in the interview.

Hey Aimee - I just checked in

Hey Aimee - I just checked in on this today (so I might be behind the times for the dates), but here it goes. I would be curious to know if the author has addressed (or what she thinks) of the topic of sexual addiction? There are a few studies that demonstrate pornography has a 'gateway' effect. Essentially softer pornography, can for some men and women, lead to harder and harder (and risky) pornography. What is her advice/thoughts in situations where there is evidence of an addictive pattern?

Also - though XXXChurch has some theological positions that differ from the reform movement. their work within the sex industry has brought many toward healing. How does the author's approach differ, how is it similar, and what does she think of the growing missional field within pornography?

Not that I know of, but Paul

Not that I know of, but Paul was not perfect and he admitted as much. I've never read in the Bible that becoming a Christian means all sin immediately ceases in that person's life. In fact, as I pointed out above, Romans 7 says otherwise.

One thing that puzzles me is your statement above that you showed this to your husband and he laughed. Do you mean in the sense of laughing at other people's struggles?

Another puzzle is why you think people who are Christians do not struggle with sin (whether pornography or another sin). Are the only Christians you know, including you and your husband, no longer committing sins?

Well, matters rightly

Well, matters rightly belonged to nominal Christianity, that side that abusers children, sexual devients. Not read of any godly Puritans and Reformers that were devients, locked up, pillared and posted, along with disciples of the Lord.

What is being done is obvious, something that continues from out of the age, and something that the spirit of this world does, that is, to tar all with the same brush so that devients do not stand out.

If nominal Christianity can make revealed religion no better than itself, it feels it has legitimacy to do what it does. There is a gulf fixed, a world of deifference between those who simply make a choice for to follow an historical, not a theological, doctrinal Christ, and those supernaturally called of God, and the reason why, within the latter, there are no devients. Only nominal Christianity ends up in court, in prison, for deviency.

We should separate bewteen sheep and goats, even as Jesus Christ the Lord does, if we profess to follow HIm (Matt.25.31-44). Not to separate the wheat from the tares, when tares become obvious, is to commit sacrilige.

I see your concern, Doc.

I see your concern, Doc. Although the issues aren't always as connected as they may seem. While your topic is a worthy one (which goes both ways), most of the women that I know who's husbands are caught up in this sin were not the type to withhold sexual intimacy--this was even more painful b/c the women felt like they weren't enough. But spouses who are struggling with the other not wanting intimacy do need counsel as well--and this is another topic that is brushed under the rug.
I also agree that there needs to be great care in addressing this issue. That will be included in my review.

So Paul liked to read

So Paul liked to read pornography. Laugh!

:-)

:-)

"I can prove I’m smarter than

"I can prove I’m smarter than my wife, though: I married her, and she married me. You can’t argue with that."

Solidarity, brother.

I've seen a lot of material

I've seen a lot of material like this released of late. I think some of it is very helpful, but some of the reviews I've read also indicate some of the material is harmful. (IIRC, Challies reviewed one such book in the last year, and blasted it thoroughly.) This would be a tough area in which to write, and would demand a lot of care and thought to not make some big mistakes.

Here's one are I've not seen addressed in this issue: What about the times it is partly the wife's fault that the husband has this problem? (Don't fly off the handle yet...hear me out.) I'm not saying the husband isn't responsible for his own sins; he clearly is. But on occasion, I've heard stories where the wife has been completely unavailable to her husband for intimacy, either emotional or physical. Does this book address the consequences of this type of behavior for those women who are so engaged in it, and how to work their way out of it?

As Dr. Laura puts it on her radio show, a man in this situation has three options: (1) porn, (2) a prostitute, or (3) a girlfriend. Dr. Laura says the first is the least harmful choice. I'm not willing to make that judgment as all are bad. She leaves out the fourth choice, abstinence, but abstinence is (usually) sin in a marital relationship (1 Cor. 7:5). So that's bad too. When the wife is unavailable to her husband, there are no good outcomes.

I would think a book on this topic would be incomplete without addressing these issues as well. After all, a book about marital problems isn't helpful if it assumes the problems in the marriage are all one-sided (the husband).

As a husband, I'm more than willing to take the bulk of the blame for various issues in my marriage, as I am the blockhead in the relationship. (I can prove I'm smarter than my wife, though: I married her, and she married me. You can't argue with that.)

These are good points, Tim.

These are good points, Tim. The book is focused on the suffering partner, but maybe I will frame this as a question for the author.

I read an article on Jenny

I read an article on Jenny Rae Armstrong's site that spoke of women in the church who also struggle with pornography. Do you think Tiede's book is useful for their husbands as well? Because as easily as some churches dismiss women who approach leadership for help handling their husband's habits, I can just imagine how little help a husband would get if the shoe were on the other foot.

But I'm just surmising here, and maybe that issue can be framed as a question for the author.

Tim

I can see Paul in this issue

I can see Paul in this issue as well, and if not this one then something else. Romans 7 comes to mind.

Tim

Strange subject? Can see

Strange subject? Can see Luther and Calvin and Matthew Henry looking at filth. I can well understand nominal Christianity doing this. My husband had a good laugh at this one, it is even, for dramtic effect, taken from off the usual site, for comments.